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Dr. Soyberg

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This nigga ACK'ed GEEEEEEEEEEEEG.
Dr. Soyberg

Not to be confused with Dr. Soystein

Dr. Soyberg was employed at the Mental Asylum. He was killed in the great asylum insurrection of 2020. He is also an associate of Dr. Soystein.

Dr. Soyberg might have been re-animated after his death.[1]

An asylum inmate graphically recounts Dr. Soyberg's death.
A picture of Dr. Soyberg's death. Unknown photographer, October 2020

Methods

Dr. Soyberg was best known for his avant-garde approach to psychiatry, blending various disciplines and techniques. Here are a few that he was rumored to have employed at the Mental Asoylum:

Soylent Therapy: Believing in the nutritional-psychological link, Dr. Soyberg developed a special diet based on soy products, which he claimed could balance the mind.
Virtual Reality Exposure: Dr. Soyberg was an early adopter of VR technology, using it to simulate environments for patients to confront their fears in a controlled setting.
Meme Analysis: In a unique twist on dream analysis, he interpreted patients’ favorite internet memes to gain insights into their subconscious minds.
Rhythmic Soynd Therapy: He used the sounds of soybeans being processed to create calming rhythms that were played throughout the asylum to soothe agitated patients.

These methods, while unorthodox, were a testament to Dr. Soyberg’s creative genius and his relentless pursuit of new ways to heal the mind.

Dr. Soyberg's patented Excellent BBC Therapy

Dr. Soyberg’s most controversial theory, known as BBC Therapy, was a radical approach to mental health treatment. The acronym “BBC” means “Behavioral Brainwave Calibration”, a technique that Dr. Soyberg claimed could recalibrate a patient’s brainwaves through a combination of auditory stimuli and guided meditation.

Confession From The Schizo Who Killed Dr. Soyberg

I killed Dr. Soyberg

I was in the Asylum Canteen, eating the usual Monday dish - Mashed Grasshoppers, but this day, it didn't taste good, that is because I fell into rememberance of the old days… When everything as simpler…

I remembered the Hustle and Bustle of /qa/… The bug-eating competitions I did with my Onions-bros… I felt nostalgic even for my anonymous Gang-Stalkers and the Rohan spamfag…

Memories of a past so recent… Yet so distant…

Later that day, still in a daze, I went to a commotion in the West wing (informally /soy/ )of the Asylum, seems like there was an /a/ trans-girl boasting about beating US in a fair fight in /qa/, what she didn't know is that WE, the basedjakers, could only watch, RangeLocked from our homeland, while the very last Resistance Warriors were barely holding on.

When I saw that, the grieavance I was feeling suddenly inflamed, I was furious, I was SEETHING, like a cornered Beast.

Then, I heard the voice of the "Inside Man". Usually he is inside the Radios, snickering at me between Soylent ads and the doctors' announcements. Inside the mirrors, making a crude parody of myself when seen through the corner of my vision, but if i were to stare at him, all would seem normal. Or inside the walls, reminding me that nowhere is safe.

But this time, he wasn't inside any of those places.

He wasn't inside the faucet, lamp or clock.

Now, he was the man inside myself, and he spoke to me.

_____________

At that moment, Dr. Soyberg was passing near. I knew he was a good man, even though his infamous "Meds and BBC" treatment sessions seemed unorthodox, everybody knew that he did it because he thought it was the best way. He just wanted to help us recover.


But the man inside me wants us to never recover. So he corrupts my mind and makes me do the unthinkable. I tear my Straight Jacket apart with my newfound superhuman strenght and smash Dr. Soyberg into an irrecognizable mess of Soy Sauce and Tofu. - My mind goes blank, and when I awaken, I am in solitary.

[2]


Dr. Soyberg
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