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Flying Niggers

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Flying niggers are a form of nigger created by the CIA in 1985. With the onset of Soviet military technology, the CIA listed needed a way for a massive expendable force to counter the USSR's tactics. This came in the form of the crack epidemic, in which African Americans were found to gain certain abilities following the intake of crack cocaine. Noticing this, the CIA took advantage of these abilities, listing their plans as such:

  • Use contra connections to get hold of mass amounts of crack
  • Sell them subjectively to black communities
  • Arrest blacks en mass
  • Take arrested, after a quick survey to pare numbers down, to the Guantánamo Bay detention camp
  • Subject them to vigorous testing to access any other capabilities besides the already discovered characteristics of increased fighting prowess, speed and intellect

After accomplishing such and using stasis chambers to make it so that the effect, or high, was at a constant, the CIA subjected black Americans to various forms of testing, including keeping them underwater for life-threatening amounts of time, application of high-voltage electricity, putting them in low-oxygen and high pressure atmospheres, in zones of combat both simulated and real, zero gravity and high-G situations, and in rooms with extremely contrasting temperatures. After these environments and situations were tried with all subjects, there was one skill that was a conclusion for around 30% of all test subjects, the ability of flight. As a result of the Flying Nigger's extraordinary powers, and the need of shutting down such in case anything went wrong, the CIA decided on inserting neuron-controlling microchips that would shut down their brain movement if necessary, and served to manage other control functions. After use in multiple proxy wars, flying niggers were lauded for their success in the field, leading to more funding and further testing, which resulted in sub-variants such as levitating niggers, rocket niggers and missile niggers. When their use succeeded the end of the cold war, desert storm and the Balkans insurgencies, their use was decided to be kept away, along with other high-capability technologies produced from the cold war. Flying niggers were confined to a weapons storage area in Killeen Base, now Fort West Hood near Bell County, Texas. After a lapse in judgement of the evolutionary capabilities of flying niggers, a newly evolved radioactive nigger was able to use gamma-wave-based X-ray vision to see through the concrete walls, and a telepathic nigger was able to enter the code seen by the radioactive nigger, entered to open the storage compartment in order to feed the flying niggers. Now free, the flying niggers conspired to take down the World economy and U.S government. After intercepting civilian flights 11 and 175, they used their capabilities to control the velocity and direction of the planes, essentially creating a missile they could use to guide to any locations in the U.S.. A coordinated effort, the plot was only stopped by the time a hijacked plane was reaching their third target, the White House, via the neuron-controlling microchips mentioned previously. After this massive intelligence failure, a joint-effort investigation and cover-up was assumed by all defense and military branches of the federal government.

A leaked CIA/DIA document containing a black and white image of a flying nigger. This image has been deemed fake by various fact-checkers.
Colorized version, artist's depiction.