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ijak

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Warning! The following may feature disinfo, psy-ops, or other infohazards created by the CIA. Proceed with caution.

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Ijak

Soyjak subvariant
Aliases
  • 2306931946074a.w6m
  • Endjak
Originsoyjak.party
Earliest Known Appearance/soy/, soyjak.party (February 7th, 2043)
Booru Posts 0 [1]
Based OnWholesome Soyjak, Colorjaks


>i made this picture
Hello?
The final teen


Ijak (AKA Endjak) is a bone chilling slowburn A24 analog horror work on the 'sharty posted by an anonymous time traveler. This bizarre futurejak is based on the Wholesome Soyjak. It also looks like a Colorjak, but the method is different. In fact, just about every facial feature is off compared to a contemporary 'jak. It is depicted as the final soyjak ever to be posted on the Sharty, a contingency that seemed very remote at the time.

Holy fuck this aged badly (even though the Sharty could be revived), fortunately the final post on Soyjak.party WAS IAS , it was named soor... with a distorted gapejak disregard that, this could still be the final post.

Post No. 950311737 & History[2]

Post No. 950311737
The screenshot of post 950311737

Post 950311737 (Nine hundred fifty million, three hundred eleven thousand, seven hundred thirty-seven) will be the final post on Soyjak.Party's /soy/ board in the distant future that includes Ijak. It was shared on 7/14/2023 in /soy/ post No. 3892525.

The contents of the OP were as follows:

One day in the future, the final soy will be 'jakked. The last one anybody ever bothers to make. What will it look like? Will it be coal?

After an hour and a few aimless replies (a couple mocking the OPs choice of a Reddit Greentext compilation for the image), a reply was made featuring the screenshot of the post with the caption:

>stumble across some archaic imageboard from the mid 21st century
>it has been dead for at least 2 decades except for the final post from some bored chink who stumbled across it 8 years before
The last 'teen?

Post contents

Attached Image

The Original Ijak image.

File Properties

  • The file depicted in the screenshot is a w6m [ WebP XR ] file, a type which does not exist in present day[a].
  • The file's image unix timestamp is 2306931946074a[b]. Unlike timestamps from before March 25th, 2024, a letter is affixed to the end of it.
    • By putting the filename through a Unix timestamp translator, we can find the upload date of the image, which is February 7th, 2043, at 2:25 PM[b]. This can be used to also determine the date of the screenshot, where the post appears to be 8 years old, thus the screenshot was taken around 2051.

Image Content

The attached file depicts a Soyjak. This figure seems to derive from the wholesomejak template and shows qualities of colorjaks. The Soyjak has a distinct nose that curves downward and the frames of the glasses have no bridge. The Jak has a triple chin. The head seems to sit on a black cylindrical body with orange arms and small red ornaments or appendages.

A logo of unknown origin and a brown scribble sit beside the Soyjak. The blue logo seems to read Express, but two unknown symbols surround the presumed word. The symbol on the left could be a letter G (G-Express?) in a weird font but it could also be something else. The symbol on the right consists of two lines arranged in the way the letter Y is commonly drawn. The ends of the right symbol could bear some resemblance to the Japanese kana or .

Post

The post is itself written in Chinese.

>我做了这张照片
你好?

A machine translation outputs the following:[3]

>I made this picture
Hello?

GUI

Information can be gathered on the graphical interface from which the screenshot was taken.

Elements

There are 3 options where ImgOps resides today.

  • Presearch
  • Mglib
  • IGV: this

In addition, the "!" and "A" buttons besides the reply button have been removed, and the checkbox besides the name has been replaced by an orange circle that most likely serves the same function.

A lot of text has also been abbreviated, such as "Reply" just being "R" and "File (hide)" being "F[-]".

Assumptions

Toos
Artist's impression of what Toos might be, the anti-Soot, representing a bone-chilling, dark, gritty dystopian reboot of the franchise for a more mature, adult audience to be viewed at the Alamo Drafthouse with a custom menu including hand-picked IPAs and artisanal cocktails.
Renaissance artwork depicting what Toos might be, the antisoot. instructing the anti'teen on committing a mass shooting, while the admins of the past look on with fear

Several assumptions can be made from the post:

  • Imageboards will be considered archaic.
  • The filename having an "a" at the end means that either: the way unix timestamps work changed in the meantime[c], or it is the result of soyjak.party changing the filename system, much like how it changes the filenames on posts with more than one image.
  • The default theme will have changed to something that resembles Kolyma Dark.
  • One reply states that the final owner's name was "Toos" but its unlikely that this reply was also by the time traveler.[it just is, ok?] If Toos was indeed the final owner, it is theorized that this is Admin 6.
  • Most activity on the board will have ceased around 2030.
  • WebP XR will be released somehow in late 2029.
  • Some of the videos are posted on bilibili because the sharty has relation with bilibili.
  • 2 Possible timelines: one where Poopson happened and the gem that saved the sharty was made, explaining why it's online
    • And another one where Poopson happened and the gem that saved the sharty was never made, resulting in the boards death
  • Judging by the post number (900 Million), At Some point in-between now and 2030, the posts per minute would have reached a level far exceeding that of 4chan's /b/ board, possibly meaning that the sharty will at one point be the most popular imageboard on the web, or that the board will just be spammed to death by raiders or a malicious spam bot, which may be one of the reasons the sharty dies.
    • Since the last post is written in Mandarin, the Sharty likely became a Global Village, alluding to international popularity. (However, it could be just some bored Chinese user who will stumble upon the Sharty.)
  • The Sharty will remain online for at least 20 years after its complete death. Assuming the owner abandoned it, the server is automatically maintained through unknown means.
  • The Ukranian War won't go nuclear and the world will only get more and more brimstone.
  • It might be the final 'toss according to some soyientists.
  • One of the replies (unlikely to be from the time traveler) states that Ijak is actually a psy-op from the future 'cord to convince 'teens that Ijak is the last 'jak and that in reality, the sharty will still be active. However, the Toos and Anti'teen prophecies from other 'teens may disprove that.
    • The same reply suggests that "gem" and "coal" have been replaced by "spit" and "slobber" respectively.

Sources

Notes

  1. Interestingly enough, .WEBP files gained support on the Sharty in early 2024. It is plausible that .W6M files will someday gain similar support.
  2. 2.0 2.1 Possibly runs into the Year 2038 problem. However, multiple solutions have already been implemented, nearly negating this issue.
  3. Unix Timestamps changed on March 25th, 2024, affixing a random letter to the end of every file name.