Impjak Adventure, also known as Choose your own Swedish adventure and The Adventures of Impjak, was a "Choose Your Own Adventure"-inspired webcomic on the /soy/ board of soyjak.party, where it is promoted as a stickied post. It started in 2021-04-05, and quickly gained popularity. It had several different authors. The comic featured several characters and elements from the soyjak universe, including Impish Soyak Ears, Fingerboys and Dr. Soyowicz.
The story ended on 2021-06-14.
Format[edit | edit source]
Impjak Adventure was a highly innovative, experimental, and immersive interactive story experience. Taking cues from respected media such as classic role-playing games and text adventures, Adventure allowed anyone who replied to the thread to dictate the course of the story by giving simple instructions to Impjak, the main character. These instructions were then interpreted and used to advance the story by numerous creative chuds on soyjak.party. The story of Impjak Adventure was expressed in the form of illustrations accompanied by text, which was used to give further context to the illustrations and to convey important story details, and was also sometimes used for dialogue between characters.
Animated series[edit | edit source]
The comic has been adapted into an animated series, using subtitles and text-to-speech voiceover in conjunction with the original illustrations to transform the comic into a unique audiovisual experience. 2021-04-11 saw the release of the first episode (enumerated in the original filename as "v0.01") as a .mp4 video file on soyjak.party, instantly receiving critical acclaim. The episode was later published on youtube, where it quickly gained a whopping 200 views. A second episode was released that same day, this time identified in the filename as "v0.02". This episode is essentially an extended version of the first, featuring that entire episode plus extra lore created since its release.
Picklejak controversy[edit | edit source]
The plot twist in which Impjak turned into a pickle proved to be controversial, with several posters demanding that OP undo it. In response to the criticism, OP decided to make a poll, which came out to the favour of Picklejak.
The results of the poll prompted one chud to make a splinter version of the thread, which he dubbed the "serious version" of the story. The thread attracted some interest from fans of Impjak Adventure, but was deleted by Soot before it could be archived.
Story[edit | edit source]
|Impjak's adventure began with a visit to the local Swedish mosque. He then ate the mosque, engulfing the entire structure in his mouth and swallowing it whole. After he finished eating the mosque, he returned to his home, a small and patriotically decorated shed, to watch some Markiplier. However, his consumption of the mosque made him too large to fit in the small shed. Despite his recent meal, Impjak was still hungry and decided to eat his home.
After swallowing the entire shed whole, Impjak then decided to visit Capitol Reef National Park. Despite feeling a foreboding sense of unease upon reaching the park, Impjak continued into the park to explore the area. For no known reason, Impjak then chopped his right leg off with a hacksaw. He then sowed it to his head. The smell of blood attracted a small group of lesser Fingerboys. Impjak grabbed one of them and ate it alive, causing the other Fingerboys to tremble in fear. Using one of the remaining Fingerboy nymphs, Impjak attempted to fashion a prosthetic leg. He failed due to the terrified Fingerboy scratching at his stump. Perhaps due to the excruciating pain, Impjak took some meds prescribed to him by Dr. Soyberg. He soon lost consciousness and found himself wandering through a strange, dark dream state. Impjak soon became aware of a Schizojak lurking in the darkness. Impjak turned to face the sinister being. He visualised a statement he disagreed with next to the Schizojak, possibly to contextualise the situation and, by soyquoting, remind himself that the Schizojak is really just another 'jak. After his attempt to disarm the Schizojak seemed successful, Impjak pulled the Schizojak's mouth even further open and climbed through, using it as a portal.
Waking up, he found that he had been supernaturally reborn as a Swedish tapeworm. After seeing a severed soyjak head, Impjak realised he was in the stomach of a large, adult Fingerboy. Suddenly, Impjak was regurgitated by the Fingerboy. After this rude expulsion, Impjak noticed he was still in CRNP, and was surrounded by a litter of hungry juvenile Fingerboys (Fingerlings). The Fingerboy who coughed him up was in fact the Fingerboy broodmother, and she meant to feed her young. Acting quickly, Impjak pounced toward one of the Fingerboy youngsters and forced his tail down its throat, parasitically commandeering its body. As the process ended, Impjak successfully became an impish Fingerboy. Noticing a change in her offspring, the Fingerboy broodmother soon became suspicious of Impjak. Impjak panicked and vomited Sproke onto the concerned matriarch. The broodmother at first appeared sympathetic to Impjak, but without warning kicked him out of the nest, assuming him to be gravely ill and unlikely to survive. Impjak was knocked out by the force of the kick.
After waking up, Impjak discovered that he had landed near a small cabin by the side of a road. Suddenly, a man of indeterminate Eastern-European origin emerged from the desert and spoke to Impjak in a strange, foreign language. While he seemed friendly at first, Impjak soon noticed that the man was performing a racist hand gesture, an illegal act in Sweden. Impjak cast a rock at the man, striking him dead. Soon afterwards, another mysterious figure appeared, making a shrill and unpleasant noise. However, it soon disappeared before Impjak could get a good look at it.
Impjak noticed that it was evening, and that it was starting to get cold. Since a cold night without shelter would be a death sentence for a scrawny Fingerboy youngster, Impjak decided to seek refuge in the cabin. The cabin was furnished with a bed, a rifle mounted on the wall, and a desktop computer. Ignoring the cabin's other offerings, the tired Impjak went straight to the bed, sleeping through the night. When he woke up, Impjak, struck by a strange urge, fingerbated. This resulted in him expelling several tiny Fingerlings. Hatching a devious plan to exact revenge on the broodmother, Impjak repeated this activity several times, continuing until he had expelled a small army of fingerlings. Impjak and his offspring soon found the broodmother alone in the park. They charged into battle, soon overwhelming the broodmother with their superior numbers. After his decisive victory, Impjak took the broodmother's place as leader of the CRNP Fingerboys.
Settling in to his new Fingerboy role, Impjak went hunting the park for visiting 'jaks. He soon encountered a Norwegian tourist taking photos of the park. Impjak first attempted to steal the Norwegian's iPhone, however on closer inspection saw that he had no pockets and in fact was wearing no clothes at all. Quickly dispatching the alerted 'jak, Impjak then picked up the Norwegian's dropped digital camera, flipping through the various photographs saved on it. He encountered a photo of someone who looked deeply familiar, thinking that the person may even be him from a past life. He quickly disregarded this, however, instead deciding to take a quick selfie for posterity and returning the camera to its deceased former owner.
After this expedition, Impjak returned to the cabin and devised an ingenious trap using a Soylent bottle, a cardboard box, and a small stick. Impjak then posted an ad on Craigslist to lure unsuspecting 'jaks to the cabin. He then lies in wait under the bed. Soon after, Markiplier arrives at the cabin. He walks through the door, talking just like he does in his wholesome gaming videos. Impjak tries greeting him but Markiplier appears not to hear. It was then that Impjak noticed that the visitor was not Markiplier at all, but in fact a delusional schizo wearing a straitjacket who merely thought he was Markiplier. "Markiplier"'s commentary abruptly cut off when he noticed the bottle of Soylent on the floor. As the schizo lunged for the Soylent, the box fell on his head and he was trapped.
After securing the box with heavy-duty tape, Impjak dragged it out of the cabin and into the road. He wrote "FREE SOYLENT" on the box and posted another Craigslist ad in an effort to lure even more 'jaks. Suddenly, Impjak's thoughts were invaded by a profound urge to say the n word. After a brief struggle with the urge, Impjak finally said it, feeling immense relief as he did so. But then he suddenly froze from fear as he remembered that saying the n word is a hate crime punishable by death in his native Sweden. The hate-speech monitoring microchip in his brain immediately broadcast an execution warrant to Sweden's authorities. The might of Sweden's law enforcement had been instantly dispatched to kill Impjak.
Despite the mounting danger, Impjak decided to remain in the area and see his 'jak-luring plan through to the end. As night approached, Impjak made another sign on the side of the cabin advertising that there was even more free Soylent inside. He then hid behind the cabin's open door. Soon, he smelled blood outside. His highly sensitive sense of smell placed the source of the odor at the box containing the trapped schizo. This struck Impjak as very strange considering there were no Fingerboys around. Impjak then ordered some of his Fingerlings to keep watch for incoming 'jaks or Swedish law enforcement, allowing him to briefly leave the safety of the cabin to check on Schizoplier. Opening the box, Impjak found the schizo grotesquely maimed and bloody. Shocked, he drew back from the box and let out a surprised screech. The schizo remained unmoving in the box, apparently dead from blood loss. Suddenly, a floating soyjak head appeared out of the night sky. Impjak recognized it as the head that was previously in the Fingerboy broodmother stomach before it was regurgitated alongside him. This time, it appeared to have supernatural powers and a strange blue aura. It was emitting the sound of static, through which Impjak could make out only a few words about the "British Broadcasting Corporation". Impjak began an attempt to communicate with it, but before he could say anything he was interrupted by a hand reaching through the floating head's mouth. Soon after, a man climbed out of the head, revealing the hand to belong to none other than Dr. Soyowicz. Impjak, recognizing Dr. Soyowicz, started to talk to him.
Impjak and Soyowicz decided to visit Las Soygas as their first destination. They visited the first casino they see, where upon their entrance they were instructed to wear masks by the Native American greeter.
After donning their fashionable and life-saving masks, Impjak and Soyowicz made their way to the craps table in search of potential allies. When they reached the craps table, Impjak began explaining his predicament to the dealer, however the dealer quickly interrupted him, revealing himself to be none other than former President Donald Trump.
On board NIGGER5, Impjak and Soyowicz had a conversation.
Hours later, Impjak woke up in his cocoon and discovered that he had landed in Petrified Forest National Park. He clawed his way out of the cocoon and began to search the surrounding area for Dr. Soyowicz. After several hours passed with no sign of the doctor, Impjak gave up the search and sought shelter from the nighttime cold underground, clawing at the hard earth and tunnelling into the depths below.
His digging was interrupted by the discovery of what appeared to be a Soylent landmine. As soon as he had discovered it, it started to beep. He quickly thought of a plan to angle its Soylent-propulsion side towards the hole's entrance, reasoning that the force from the mine's Soylent squirting would propel him deeper underground. But before he could fully execute this plan, the mine went off, filling the hole with Soylent. Impjak began chugging the delicious meal replacement and soon the hole was once again dry. The mine turned out to still be loaded after its initial blast, beginning to refill the hole. Impjak, content with finding a place to spend the night and a tasty food source, went to sleep.
Impjak awoke afloat in a sea of Soylent. The Soylent mine appeared to have completely flooded the national park. He felt a slight northward current as he tasted the Soylent, finding it to be cacao flavor (his favorite). Impjak felt the current was getting stronger but, still unconcerned, took out his phone for a quick selfie. Unfortunately, the phone had been broken, either in the NIGGER5 crash or the last night's flood.
Looking up from the broken phone, Impjak noticed he was heading for a whirlpool. The current was now too strong to possibly fight against. The whirlpool dragged him underwater and he lost consciousness.
Waking up, Impjak found himself in what appeared to be a sewer. There was a walkway running along the wall to his left. There was a green door marked with a number 4, accessible via the walkway. Impjak climbed a small ladder out of the Soylent and onto the walkway. He then pressed his ear to the door, hearing the rhythmic sounds of heavy machinery, mixed with more irregular metal rattling, and what may have been distant, anguished screaming.
Impjak slowly opened the door, just enough to peek through. The coast seemed clear, and he decided to enter. He found the source of the rhythmic machine noise, what appeared to be some sort of water pump. A sign on the wall says "WARD 4 PUMPS". At the other side of the room, there was a pipe laying in a small pool of blood. The pipe lay in front of an ajar door decorated with a bloody handprint.
Impjak headed through the bloody door, deeper into the mysterious complex. Ahead of him was an open entrance to a stairwell marked "WARD 4 HOLDING CELLS". An arrow on the wall pointed to the left and was marked "WARD 3 PUMPS". Another pointed to the right, this one marked "WARD 5 PUMPS". The sounds of screaming and rattling metal were getting louder. He could hear a few words coming from somewhere ahead.
After climbing the stairwell, Impjak was confronted with a long hallway lined with holding cells. At the far end of the hallway was an open passage, possibly where Dr. Soyswedeson went. Impjak started down the hallway, but his attention was caught by something in the second cell on the right. Peering through the bars, he saw a strange, pale creature crouched in the corner of the cell. Attempting to get the creature's attention, he vomited the last of his Sproke reserves at it. Unfortunately, it was not enough to reach the patient, seeping uselessly down a drain in the floor.
Annoyed at this waste of his precious Sproke, Impjak tried verbally communicating with the patient.
Impjak knew he had no chance of defeating the muscular Thoughjak in direct combat, so he lured the monstrous 'jak towards Patient 096's cell, sending one of the Thoughjak's thunderous blows crashing through the cell's frail wall. Impjak retreated into 096's newly-opened cell, the Thoughjak following him. From the cell's depths emerged 096 himself. Impjak ducked out of harm's way as the two behemoths charged into combat. Their godlike battle sent shockwaves through the entire facility, alerting every official there.
Weary from the Thoughjak encounter, Impjak stumbled out from 096's cell back into the hallway. He heard pounding footsteps approach him from down the hall. He saw a tall, ripped soyjak sprinting towards him. He tried to duck out of the way of the incoming orderly but, slowed by his injuries, he could not evade the muscled 'jak in time.
The hunky 'jak easily and gently scooped Impjak up, effortlessly cradling him under his enormous left arm. He started to casually talk, as though he were thinking out loud.
Impjak tied up the downed doctor, gently out of respect for a fellow Swede. He then took and put on the doctor's coat and ID badge. The disguised Impjak then propped the unconscious doctor up against the wall and righted his can of Sproke should he get thirsty. As he started to plot his next action, three of his Fingerlings returned from their scouting expedition, reporting enough of the layout of the facility to allow Impjak to construct a mental map of its interconnected rooms and hallways. The fourth Fingerling apparently went to ward 2 and never returned.
Impjak, full of paternal concern, embarked on a rescue mission to recover the missing Fingerling from ward 2, but not before taking a quick look inside Administration. On his way to Administration, Impjak encountered another doctor. He recognized him as Dr. Sprokeberg, the doctor who was talking to Dr. Soyswedeson earlier. Dr. Sprokeberg looked quite displeased about something, and turned to talk to Impjak.
The tension now broken, Impjak falsely told the doctor that patient Soyowicz was to be brought to Administration to file some paperwork relating to his recent escape attempt. Dr. Sprokeberg accepted the story, directing Impjak to the elevator down the hall. He also asked Impjak to ask the head doctor about his missing Sproke.
Impjak continued down the hall toward the elevator, but stopped at the entrance to ward 2, meeting three of his four Fingerlings there. Ward 2 was shrouded in darkness, and a strange, otherworldly presence could be felt there. Impjak decided to venture into the darkened ward in search of his missing Fingerling. He placed his three surrounding 'lings in his pocket before proceeding.
Now in total darkness, Impjak focused his sensitive Swedish hearing, listening for potential distress screeches from his missing offspring. He listened intently for several seconds, hearing nothing but silence, until suddenly a faint noise could be heard.
The excursion into ward 2 completed, Impjak continued his path to Administration. He entered the elevator that would take him there, where both the original version of Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This plus Marilyn Manson's cover played over the speakers. Impjak rides the elevator all the way to the top level of Admin', exiting into what appeared to be the head doctor's personal chambers. Impjak saw the doctor sitting in his office chair, his back turned to him, in the middle of a video call with a strange man. The signal was weak, and Impjak could not determine the man's identity through the static.
The Head Doctor
The Strange Man
The Head Doctor
The Strange Man
The Head Doctor
The Strange Man
The Head Doctor
The Strange Man
Citations[edit | edit source]