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Neutralplier (patient)

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Neutralplier was a patient at the Mental Asylum.

Patient File

Asylum Patient
ID: 25116
Name: Neutralplier
Threat level: Extremely Low
Filed: 2024-03-18
By: Dr. Soystein

Soy Patient File: 25116

Real Name: Unknown

Threat: Extremely Low

Description: Neutralplier or Patient 25116 is a male in his late 30's. He appears entirely physically identical to Markiplier Soyjak except for being completely bald. Bizarrely, no blood relation was found between these two patients. The main difference between these patients is temperamental: While Markiplier Soyjak is friendly and excitable, Neutralplier is distant and subdued. Neutralplier rarely shows any outward emotion and perpetually wears an apathetic frown. This flat affect does not mean that his internal world is a mystery, thougheverbeit.

Neutralplier was initially admitted to the asylum for a severe case of self-insert syndrome and a tendency to compulsively talk about his life to an extent that interfered with his daily obligations. He was eventually released after the staff concluded that he could live well enough on his own and that options for treatment were limited.

The following was transcribed from asylum security cameras.

Good afternoon, Neutralplier! It’s time for your routine check-up.

Oh, hey, Dr. Soystein! Thank God, I was getting so bored just sitting alone in my cell. It’s been a pretty crazy day so far. So this morning I had breakfast and then I masturbated and then I played video games and then I had orange juice and then I made a thread on soyjak.par-

Neutralplier, please. You know I want to hear all about your day, and I’m sure it’s very interesting. But this check-up is very important to get a sense of your overall health. So please, step onto this scale here.

Hmm, I don’t know if I should, it’d probably be pretty embarrassing. I’ve been eating a lot lately. Have you tried the cafeteria pizza? Holy shit, Soystein. I’m telling you: to die for. Wash that down with some Sproke, oh my god, you literally can’t beat that.


But I don’t think eating that stuff is good for you. I’ve been watching this guy on YouTube, Chudjak88, he makes some pretty interesting points. He says that the Jews propagate low-nutrient high-calorie food to create a weak and submissive goyim population. He’s also made some good videos about how he can’t bree-

Neutralplier, you’re aware of my Jewish ancestry, aren’t you? Do you think I’m trying to hurt you?

…No, I’m sorry Dr. Soystein. That was insensitive of me. I know you’re trying to help me.

*sigh* Thank you, Neutralplier. That’s a relief. It’s true. I just want to help you.

The two share a moment and exchange weak smiles.

I’m very glad we could come to an understanding... Now, if you could please just step here onto this scal-

So the other day I was playing Mario Kart Wii and I really feel like it’s the peak of the series. Sure, MK8 added more characters and stages but I feel like Wii is where they achieved aesthetic and technical perfection. Although I do kinda miss some features from Double Dash such as-

Dr. Soystein abruptly walks out, slamming the cell door shut behind him.

Later, in the asylum break room...


…Dr. Soystein, is everything alright? You seem a little nervös lately.

…Given the, er, rapidly decreasing severity of his condition, I’m making an executive call to release Patient 25116. Neutralplier. As soon as possible.

Very väll, let us mäyk it official!