Science

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An average science fan showing his phone.

Science, also known as Soyence, is the de-facto religion of North America and Western Europe. Roughly 20% of the population of these regions pledge themselves to science. Don't listen to the elites, "science" is just a fancy name for witchcraft and all of it is a lie from satan to decieve the world. Everything they taught you in school is witchcraft.

Etymology

Science derives from the Latin "scientia", meaning knowledge. This is ironical, as the teachings of Science have no basis in reality. Soyence is a portmanteau between "soy" and "Science", commenting on how soyful the religion is.

Beliefs

The religion of Science dictates that the Earth is in fact a ball floating in mid-air mid-hecking space, and that a force called "gravity" is what keeps the Australians from falling off. There is no evidence for this teaching, as historical records, early experiments by scientists (fanatical schizo soy drinkers who worship scientism, we should kill all of them) both clearly show the earth is a flat square spinning in place, sat upon two elephants, which stand upon a turtle. It is unknown what the origins of this "heliocentric" belief are, however many speculate it comes from an as of yet undiscovered form of mental illness.

Science is a faith-based religion, requiring believers to devote themselves to naturalist philosophy. That is the philosophy that everything can be explained by natural methods and nothing else exists besides what can be described and understood by science. There is no direct evidence for this belief, however, and this belief system can't explain everything despite its claims. For example it cannot explain why we love gems so much or why some people are animesexual Despite this, soyence believers desperately cling to this philosophy because they claim it's more "logical" and "intelligent." This is of course in spite of the fact its just like any other religious belief with literally zero real difference from blind faith.

I transheart existential crisis

Most followers of Science typically conceive their personal beliefs and views in the most superficial, flaccid way possible by watching Rick & Morty and reading articles posted on the forum discussion website Reddit, they believe the knowledge they possess somehow gives them an intellectual arch over the rest of society and that any other religion or faith is objectively below them.

Science preaches that life is utterly meaningless, and that we ought to all just kill ourselves.

Practices

Many rituals are done by Science worshippers, the most famous being: killing babies, stabbing new-borns, taking meds, eating bugs, drinking the soy, living in the pod, wearing the mask, clapping for health heroes and buying from conglomerates. It is believed that if these are not done then the North Pole will stop being ice, flooding everything. It is also believed that if scientific law, that is the rules set forth by the hierarchy, are disobeyed, the rain will dry up in some areas and flood others, devastating agriculture and killing millions.

An important part of Soyence is conducting peer reviewed studies with forgone conclusions. For example, researching if troons can really change their gender, which of course is always found to be true because the soyentists would immediately lose their jobs and possibly go to prison for hate speech if their findings said anything otherwise. Similar studies are done determining if babies in their mother's wombs are human or can feel pain, in support of the abortion debate, and of course the answer is always no, therefore millions of unborn children must die.

History

It is unknown at what point Science gained control, but by 2020 Science was expected to be completely accepted by all civilians and followed devotedly. The earliest traces of "Science" can be found in the Prophet Aristarchus of Samos, who without evidence both claimed that the earth was round, and that it, along with the other "planets" orbited the sun.

Hierarchy

>DUUUUUUUUUUUUDE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, SOYIENCE IS LIKE, SO HECKIN' BASED AND REDDITPILLED BRO

Billionaires, also known as Israeli government officials are the ruling elite of Science. Despite their usual lack of formal scientific training their word is unquestionable.

The second most powerful members of the hierarchy are priests called "Scientists", also known as "Soyentists". These Scientists often claim that they have evidence. The evidence however is usually in the form of long, meaningless lists of numbers and some diagrams, or contradicting photos of Earth from "space".

The lowest class of religious leaders are soyboys, especially soyfluencers. The soyboys use shaming and ostracization tactics in order to force civilians into bowing before the religion.

Notable Holy Figures

The Devil in Science

What is comparable to the Devil in Abrahamic religions is a broad spectrum or people, ideas, events, or organizations, these may include:

  • Donald Trump
  • Anti-Vaxxers
  • "Karens"
  • Men
  • Flat Earth
  • Jesus H. Chirst
  • Adolf Hitler
  • Hollow Earth
  • You
  • Drinking Piss
  • Dino-Trutherism
  • Counter-Earth
  • Cannibalism <--- Even doe soyence says it's good for the enviroment or something
  • Your Dad (he is very cool)
  • Ben Carson
  • The Yeti and Big Foot
  • Vulcan
  • Nibiru/Nemesis
  • Vladimir Putin
  • Gnomes, Goblins and other mystical creatures
  • "The Dark Ages"
  • Mosleysaurus
  • The 1950s (even doe most of scientific breakthroughs were done in that decade)
  • BWC
Science
is part of a series on
Soyience™
"We are all just hecking star dust or something!"
Peer reviewed sources [-+]
Fields of science [-+]
Science in praxis [-+]
Theoretical branches [-+]
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