|Origin||/qa/, 4chan (June 6, 2021)|
|Booru Posts||As of December 5th, 2023|
|Traced From||The Lawnmower Man|
|“||This universe is MINE... I AM GOD HERE!||”|
Cobson is a soyjak based on Jobe Smith from the 1992 Sci-Fi slow burn, esoteric, thought provoking, kafkaesque film "The Lawnmower Man"[a]. Cobson's features include 2 thick eyebrows, irises on the eyes, a well-kept stubble, an average sized forehead, and a masculine facial structure. It first arose in the middle of 2021, where it quickly gained a controversial reputation. A lot of soyjak critics at the time derided this soyjak as coal and most didn't really care about it, though a minority of critics saw it as very gemmy and dubbed it a "God tier wojack". However, a critical reevaluation soon followed after Cobson stole the 10 millionth GET on /s4s/. Along with 2 of the most popular music artists on the Sharty, 6ixϪhrembo and David Thoughie, being Cobsons themselves, Cobson is now widely dubbed by soyjak critics as one of the greatest soyjaks of all time, and some even deem him to be the G.O.A.T, though there is still a minority of critics that still think that he is coal. This critical appreciation led Cobson to win Ϫ Oscars, 13 Emmys, a 9.8 rating on IMDB, a 9.5 rating on MyAnimeList, 6 stars on Letterboxd, and a 14.88/10 rating on RateYourMusic.[it just is, ok?] However, with Cobson's newfound popularity, some more malicious forces decided to use this "God tier wojack" for their own deranged purposes. Some trannies decided to make QoS edits of innocent Cobson, and the heretical belief that he is a "slut for BBC" soon emerged among the sharty's transgender population. Along with edits of Cobson depicting him as a child rapist called Rapeson, his reputation became tainted among soyteens. He is still mostly regarded as a gem doebeit, and a bone-chilling, spine-tinging, genre-redefining vidya game called Five Nights at Cobson's has been recently announced to have been in the works by renowned game developer Froot Cawthon and his team.
History[edit | edit source]
According to the original image's EXIF data, Cobson was created on June 6th, 2021 at 14:34:35 EST by someone using Adobe Photoshop Elements 13.0 on Windows. He was subsequently posted on /qa/ at 17:03:41 EST the same day under the filename "lawnmower soy.png", with the accompanying caption: "ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK ONIONS BASEDJAK"
He released to overwhelmingly negative reviews from critics, although this was mostly down to one schizo spamming "shit tier [sic] wojack" in every Cobson thread.[b] As the months went on, however, Cobson obtained a cult following among some soyteens, who hailed him as a "god tier wojack". As a result, the debate of whether he is coal or gem remains a hot topic among soyteens to this day.
On October 26th, 2023 Chris-Chan was convinced by a 'teen to give Cobson a public endorsement, however due to being severely retarded he mispronounced it as Cobscon instead. It was nonetheless celebrated as a Cobson win.
Music Career[edit | edit source]
Cobson's career as a musician was jumpstarted when he received a number of edits depicting him as a rapper. From there, he starred in an unusual number of song parodies on the Soyjak Party Video Archive. His early work was a little too new wave for my taste, but when Gem Cobity released in '21? I think he really came into his own, both commercially and artistically. He's been compared to Svenska Beat, but I think Johbson has a far more bitter, cynical sense of humor.
David Thoughie[edit | edit source]
In 2021 and 2022, Cobson's disassociate personality David Thoughie released two parody songs, Gem Cobity and Cobman, both to widespread critical acclaim. Multiple chuds have admitted to listening to these songs "unironically", including one YouTube reviewer who described it as an "actual gem", and another who hailed it as "Perhaps the greatest gem ever mined and cut thus far".
In January 2022, Cobman was nominated for a Nobel Prize in Literature.
Cobo[edit | edit source]
Cobbo, also known as Cob Gang, is a popular parody song whose lyrical content offers a scathing critique on the human soyndition (soy condition), delivered in the high art of mumble rap. It is extremely popular; as of February 2022 it is the most viewed video on the Soyjak Party Video Archive. Cobbo, and by extension Cobson himself, is one of only a couple things to ever receive the rare honour of starring on the Soyjak Party homepage, the highest award Soot could bestow.
/s4s/ incident[edit | edit source]
Main article: Swaglord
The use of Cobbo's lyrics as material for post n°10000000 on /s4s/ was considered by many onlookers to have immortalized Cobson into a gem; GEMson: Coalson redeemed. This was also a massive Brazilian victory and it made Swaglord go on one of the biggest janny seethe sessions ever documented.
Other songs[edit | edit source]
In an attempt to capitalise on the surprise success of 'Cobo, Cobson produced an unofficial sequel Gemmy, as well as a nutwave re-release of the original. Despite good reviews and mild popularity, these spin-offs failed to capture the runaway success of the original.
The Great BBC Slander[edit | edit source]
Main Article: Spadeson
In late 2021 and early 2022 edits of Cobson began to appear on the Sharty, /bant/ and the Booru depicting Cobson as a “BBC Slut,” these edits were likely made by Discoal raiders and trannies in an effort to slander Cobson’s name and title of “God-Tier Wojak.” As of late April 2022 edits are still appearing on the Party and /bant/. Cobson has refused to speak publicly about the incident but his lawyer Saul Goodman has stated in an official open letter that they are pursuing a defamation lawsuit against those posting defamatory edits.
Cobinisation[edit | edit source]
If this trend continues, scientists estimate that all soyjaks will be Cobsons by the year 2033.
Subvariants[edit | edit source]
NuCob[edit | edit source]
NuCob is a popular edit of Cobson that's mostly used in wholesome edits due to the angry nature of Cobson. NuCob was first posted on /qa/ on October 12th 2021 following the massive success of Cobson. Alongside the usual wholesome edits, some edits depict NuCob as Cobson's son.
Rapeson[edit | edit source]
Main Article: Rapeson
Rapeson, also known as Evilson is an ominous subvariant of Cobson that was first posted on /soy/ on August 15th, 2022. He is commonly depicted as a disturbingly evil character that commits acts of extreme cruelty, such as rape and murder of children.
Female Cobson[edit | edit source]
Female Cobson or Cobette is a blanket term for any female variant of Cobson. The original variant of Female Cobson was proportionally the same as the original Cobson, without nasolabial folds or stubble and with a hat and hairstyle similar to Female Gapejak. In February 2023, user Sectionalism uploaded a new variant to the 'ru which featured a more feminine head and face, as well as a Queen of Hearts symbol on her hat. This variant rose in popularity and largely replaced the old variant
Nig[edit | edit source]
|Origin||/qa/, (June 6, 2023)|
|Booru Posts||As of October 27th, 2023|
|Traced From||Rome Total War|
Nig, originally Cob 2, is a subvariant of Cobson traced from the guy on Rome: Total War's cover art. The name was decided in a thread where dubs named him and Nig got dubs twice. He is the cousin of Cobson[He just is, ok?]
In Popular Culture[edit | edit source]
Cobson is also the name of a French indie band. Jewgle won't give me any more info on them (possibly CIA intervention), so no source is available. (Even though the band has a biography on lastfm you selfish little fuck) 
A slowburn, thought-provoking, no cheap-jumpscares video game called Five Nights at Cobson's was announced to be in development in order to honor Cobson. A trailer was released. The game featured Cobson and variants as enemies and characters in FNAC. With the usual detractors for any game, it's generally agreed that Cobson was represented fairly.
Gallery[edit | edit source]
The original frame from the movie
See also[edit | edit source]
- Gem[it just is, ok?]
- this is probably relevant. it just (probably) is, ok?
- Watch The Lawnmower Man online free movie 1080p 4k hindi subtitle.mp4.exe
- A long time later, at about September 2022, an confession was made on /soy/ from the user who allegedly was the one spamming “shit tier wojack”, stating that it was because he was autistically irritated by Cobson’s beard hair.
- no idea where the fuck this comes from, but people have been using it lately
- actually jobe
- /tv/, post no. 2620. I just discovered that the cobsonjak comes from a 90s movie named "The Lawnmower Man". September 11, 2021. https://web.archive.org/web/20210912040348/https://soyjak.party/tv//res/2620.html#2620
- File:Cobman Review 1-3.png
- File:Cobman Review 2-3.png
- File:Cobman Review 3-3.png
|Cobson is part of a series on|
Main variants [+]
Other variants [+]
Two Soyjaks Pointing ♦ El Perro Rabiso ♦ Cryboy Soyjak ♦ Tony Soprano Soyjak ♦ Kuzjak ♦ Nojak ♦ Alicia ♦ Shirtjak ♦ Smugjak ♦ Chugsjak ♦ Fatjak ♦ קורנליוס האיום ♦ Shotjak ♦ PPP ♦ Its Out Get In Here ♦ Snoojak ♦ Angryjak ♦ Flartson ♦ Reaction Soyjak ♦ Coinjak ♦ Norwegian Soyjak ♦ Platejak ♦ 5'6 jak ♦ Rupturejak ♦ 3kliksjak ♦ Sobot ♦ Trumpjak ♦ Hatjak ♦ Shushjak ♦ Fisheyejak ♦ Henry ♦ Variant:Unknown
Wholesome Soyjak ♦ Trannyjak ♦ Science Lover ♦ Swolesome Soyjak ♦ Ominous Soyjak ♦ Femjak ♦ Massjak ♦ Wewjak ♦ Jacobson ♦ NuCob ♦ Evilson ♦ Spadeson ♦ Dr. Soystein ♦ Tismjak ♦ Are you soying what I'm soying ♦ Soytrio ♦ Sprokejak ♦ Schizo Hallucination Soyjak ♦ Fedora Redditor Soyjak ♦ Splicejak ♦ Smugquack ♦ Brunetto ♦ Doctos ♦ Lawrence
Soyjak trends [+]
By artform [+]